The following is a true story from my day job. It is written in the form of a fairy tale to protect the innocent (and the guilty).
Once upon a time, in a far away kingdom known as Pharmacyland, The Drama Queen needed a favor. She was not one to shy away from asking favors. She asked often and without embarrassment.
She traveled to the office of El Rey De Las Cajas (Translation: The King of the Boxes) to ask this important favor. El Rey held a post in which he oversaw the exports and imports of all products in Pharmacyland. He was quite handsome and all the inhabitants of the land, young and old, male and female, were in love with him(If you haven’t guessed, El Rey is your ever so humble narrator).
The Drama Queen explained to El Rey that she needed to send the cremated remains of her dog to her brother. She tried to rouse as much sympathy as she could, explaining with quivering lip and soft voice that she desired to send her oh-so-small wooden box containing the ashes of her dog by mail. Furthermore, she wished to use the resources of Pharmacyland to do it.
El Rey explained that if she wanted to use the resources of Pharmacyland for personal reasons, she would have to ask The Great Sultan of All the Land.
The Sultan was a man with a mood as volatile as the sea. One minute he was calm and the next he raged like a tempest.
This didn’t deter the Drama Queen though and the Sultan did not typically turn a blind eye to the suffering of the citizenry, so The Drama Queen was certain that she could not only convince him to allow her to use Pharmacyland resources but also derive some comfort and kindly words from him.
She went before him and explained the harrowing tale of how her dog was run over and that she would like to send her dog’s remains to her sibling. To The Drama Queen’s surprise, The Sultan cut off her tale of woe before she could finish it, bellowing “Here? You have a dead dog here?”
Timidly The Drama Queen said, “Yes, he is in my office right now.”
The Sultan, a man of very dark complexion, went white. “Get it out of here! Now! In my religion, that is very bad luck for my business! Get rid of the dog!”
The Drama Queen ran out of The Sultan’s office, moving quicker than anyone had ever seen her move before. She retrieved the wooden box and rushed out to her car.
The Sultan, clearly shaken by the experience, paced the hallway. Oddly, he uttered the name of a religious leader he did not worship over and over.
The Drama Queen placed her dead dog in the trunk of her car where it remains to this day.
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